Spennyriver is a small town deep in the heart of the Midlands, UK. The Spennyriver Dispatch is the local paper bringing you all the local news, keeping you up to date with all the happenings in this strange town.
It’s like a regular town with regular people. Just weirder.
Anthem singing outcry
Today newly appointed mayor, Gotlieb Hildebert, is facing questions around his failure to sing the National Anthem before the kickoff of the first game of Spennyriver Thickets FC. Mayor Hildebert was clearly picked up by cameras at the game not singing. Standing amongst the thirty-strong crowd, he could clearly be seen looking down at the floor during the singing of the anthem. When pressed on this point after the game, the Mayor had this to say:
“Well, there were a number of gut reasons I vasn’t singing das anthem. Firstly, I was playing Super Mario Kart, and still had 2 laps to complete. Secondly, I don’t really know the vords. I’ve only been in the country 4 weeks. Finally as I understand it, God is too busy blessing America to save your Queen.”
Mayor Hildebert is scheduled to be at the unveiling of another Brian Clough statue later this week, an occasion that always brings out the patriots. The national anthem will be followed by Spennyriver’s own local anthem: Spennyriver the bold. When asked if he intended to sing the National Anthem at the unveiling, the Mayor responded angrily:
“I will have a few days to learn the words. In fact, I have already picked up the first few lines.” At this point, The Mayor launched into his version of the National Anthem to the tune of Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi: “God save the Queen, God save the Queen, long live the Queen, I think she loves all of you.” And what of Spennyriver’s anthem? “I will give it a go, but I’m no David Hasselhoff.”
To share any thoughts you may have on our new Mayor, you can ring The Dispatch’s comment line by calling 111-BIG-DEAL.