Spennyriver Dispatch – Lollipop Lady Honoured

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Spennyriver is a small town deep in the heart of the Midlands, UK. The Spennyriver Dispatch is the local paper bringing you all the local news, keeping you up to date with all the happenings in this strange town.

It’s like a regular town with regular people. Just weirder.

Lollipop lady honoured 

Margaret Olsen, Lollipop lady for The Brian Clough Primary School, was honoured yesterday for her services to walking across roads.  For her fifty years of service, Margaret was presented a medal by Emily St George, granddaughter to the Queen’s brother’s daughter’s best friend’s babysitter’s brother-in-law.  

Margaret was presented the medal yesterday while she was stopping the traffic, allowing the children to cross.  Ms St George walked across the road with the parents and children before stopping in the centre and making a brief speech to Mrs Olsen.  Your Dispatch reporter was on hand to catch what was said:

“Mrs Olsen, you have served this town for many years, fifty I am told.  Over that time you have always been here to keep our children safe, 100 per cent of the time.  Well, except for those days when the rain affected your rheumatism, so 90 per cent of the time.  Oh, and there were those times that you had those painful corns on your feet.  And that three months back in the eighties that you eloped with that policeman.  And that year you had off when you had your daughter.  But other than that, you’ve always been here for us, and for that we are grateful.”

There was another surprise for Mrs Olsen, as several of the people she helped across the road almost fifty years ago, had turned up to surprise her.  In fact, the collection of people in the centre of the road was now quite large, and some of the drivers waiting were becoming quite agitated.  One man, Arnold Tinkler, gave a moving account of his recollections of Mrs Olsen:

“When I were a lad, I remember you would always smile before you spoke to us.  ‘Get them bloody feet back on the kerb till I tell ya it’s safe you little b******’, you’d always say and of course we would.  Good times.”

Next up with her memories of Mrs Olsen’s service, was Julie Privett, daughter of still-missing Ilene, who had this to say:

“When I were a *gel, you were always there for us.  Always tellin’ us to ‘shut it’, or to ‘move it, or lose it’.  I have such fond memories of those times.  I remember when you took my school bag off me and threw all my books into the road, just because I didn’t walk fast enough.  Oh how we laughed!”

The presentation was completed when Emily St George pinned the medal to Mrs Olsen’s uniform.  We are pleased to say that the children that were knocked down while she wasn’t paying attention are all expected to make a full recovery.

* Girl

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