Spennyriver Dispatch – Leaked Audio Of Council Leader Trying To Overturn Election

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Spennyriver is a small town deep in the heart of the Midlands, UK. The Spennyriver Dispatch is the local paper bringing you all the local news, keeping you up to date with all the happenings in this strange town.

It’s like a regular town with regular people. Just weirder.

Leaked Audio Emerges Of Council Leader Attempting To Overturn Election

Late last night, a whistle blower has revealed audio footage of a telephone conversation between Outgoing council leader Chappers and head election official Miles Toogo, which appears to show Chappers trying to change the result of the recent election.

If you have been paying attention, you will know that the recent elections in which a phenomenal 150 people turned out to vote saw incumbent, Councillor Chappers, voted out by a substantial margin of 6 votes to leader-in-waiting, Reginald Hinton.

Transference of power does not officially happen for another few weeks, but Cllr Chapters has spent the time since the election shouting about – as he sees it – the unfair and biased nature of the election, claiming that it wasn’t fair, because the other party had more votes than he did, and that the polling stations were put in places that made it easy for people to vote, amongst other things.

This new audio sheds light on the thinking of the current political party and the lengths it will go to to maintain power. Here are some selected segments of this audio:

Chappers: I just need 7 votes to overturn this result. They can be new votes or you can take some of Hinton’s votes and change them to me. I don’t care how you do it, but surely that must be possible. I mean, I clearly won the election. Jeb that works at the corner shop told me that he thought I must have won by a landslide, so it must be true, right?

Toogo: Sir, I can’t just manufacture votes. Voters turned out in record number to elect Mr Hinton. The electorate has spoken.

Chappers: Well, the problem with that as I see it, is that most of the electorate don’t speak proper like what I do. You just have to read through past articles in the Dispatch or even spend five minutes talking with one of them, although I don’t know why you would want to do that. I mean they don’t pronounce their Hs and have the most ridiculous slang terms for common everyday words, which is unusual, as most of them are as common as they come.

Toogo: They are not common sir, they are local people.

Chappers: Same thing.

Toogo: What exactly are your concerns about the election sir?

Chappers: I think you may have counted incorrectly and by that I mean I am not sure you and your officials know how to count. It is kind of confusing I will admit. I mean who knew that 25 is bigger than 19? Many people think that because 9 is bigger than both a 2 and a 5, 19 should be higher, because it has the bigger number in it.

Toogo: I understand what you are saying sir, but we have machines that do the counting for us now, and have done since 2006, so this system is tried and tested.

Chappers: Well that’s another problem right there. 2006 is more than ten years ago and that means those machines are very old now. Is it possible that in the past, numbers worked differently? Perhaps they are working on software where 19 is bigger than 25. Did you investigate that?

Toogo: Yes sir. That was one of the first checks we did on these machines before the counting started. We input a query: ‘is 19 bigger than 25?’ The response it provided was ‘No’.

Chappers: But what about reports of machines being substituted during the night?

Toogo: I haven’t heard any such reports sir.

Chappers: Oh yes, I heard several. My wife told me this morning, for one, Jimmy, my paperboy, told me it was true. He was late for school so I could’t question him further. That’s two. Then there was an article in the Dispatch recently which talked about replacement machines. That’s in print. You can read it for yourself.

Toogo: Sir, I read the article I think you are referring to, but I think it was referring to new sewing machines purchased for the knitting group last month.

Chappers: Don’t they have a role to play in counting votes?

Toogo: No sir. They are just there to sew fabric together.

Chappers: Exactly. Then it’s no wonder they are providing incorrect results. Frankly, this all looks very bad for you. When your contract is up for renewal, I’m not sure what the local people will have to say about renewing it.

Toogo: I don’t believe the public have a say in renewing my contract sir.

Chappers: Not today they don’t, but tomorrow? Who knows?

There was much more of this conversation, over an hour to be exact, but much of it is in the same vein, Cllr Chappers speaking of various unchecked conspiracy theories, no doubt fed to him by his children, aged two and six.

With the transfer of power only weeks away, it still remains to be seen where this election is going.

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