Spennyriver Dispatch – The Tour of Spennyriver Continues

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Spennyriver is a small town deep in the heart of the Midlands, UK. The Spennyriver Dispatch is the local paper bringing you all the local news, keeping you up to date with all the happenings in this strange town.

It’s like a regular town with regular people. Just weirder.

The Tour of Spennyriver continues

The world-renowned Tour of Spennyriver continued into its second week today. The annual cycling marathon that sees over fifty riders from all over the Midlands compete over three weeks of gruelling competition around the streets of the Midlands’ number one small town*.

Still holding the yellow jersey is Dean Fidget of team Andy’s Fish Bar, almost ten seconds clear of Doug Smith of team Pets at Home. Today’s stage is a ‘mountain’ stage, with a category 4 climb half way through. Climbing categories are graded based on how many mums complain about pushing a buggy up the hill to the shops. For reference, a cat1 climb is a phone call from Doris to the Council (but she complains about everything from the straightness of carrots to the loudness of birds chirping) and today’s stage is a cat4 climb, mostly consisting of wheelchair ramps that the Spennyriver local council have built that are far too steep for anyone in a wheelchair to use without opening up the back of their skull.

Yesterday’s stage was won by accident when a rider from team Greggs the Bakers borrowed one of the many community cycles that are positioned around the town that just happened to be a tandem. He offered a lift to a friendly member of the public, and the pair were able to power to victory, aided by the entire peloton being funnelled through a one lane cycle path in the town centre. Many minutes were also lost when some the group were held up at temporary traffic lights put in place to protect workers at Jeff’s Lumber Yard who are now deep into the development of the world-class leisure facility that will be shared with the lumber yard. The Council are hoping to have completed the project in time to coincide with next year’s Olympics.

Stay with us for updates or call our sports hotline for daily news on 111-RIDE-ME

* As voted for by Spennyriver District Council

***PLEASE NOTE – Covid19 has not found it’s way into the world that Spennyriver exists in. I didn’t think it was something to joke about.***

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