Spennyriver Dispatch – Inaugural Edition 18/9/20

I introduced Spennyriver here on this blog a few years back, but I let it slide and never got the chance to expand this strange little town. Let me give you a brief description of the Spennyriver Dispatch:

Spennyriver is a small town deep in the heart of the Midlands, UK. The Spennyriver Dispatch is the local paper bringing you all the local news, keeping you up to date with all the happenings in this strange town.

It’s like a regular town with regular people. Just weirder.

The Spennyriver Dispatch started its life several years ago as an idea I had when I had been awake for too long, I think. At the time, I had been working for the local authority in Nottingham, but I am keen to point out this disclaimer right from the start:

The people in Spennyriver have an accent similar to that of Nottingham people, and it is situated deep in the heart of the Midlands, UK, just like Nottingham, but it most definitely IS NOT NOTTINGHAM. Because that would be silly.

In this first edition, it makes sense to introduce you to some of the local dialect to assist you with understanding some of the locals.  See how well you can do with translating the following phrases.  Cover the answers before you guess.  If it’s not immediately obvious, try saying it out loud.  It helps. Sometimes.

  • Ay up mi duck – Hello
  • Aya goreny onya? – Do you have any with you?
  • Ta – Thank you
  • Gerron coursey – Get on the pavement
  • Gizza luk – Could I have a look?
  • Tintintin – It isn’t in the tin
  • Aya gorra cob on? – You seem to be a bit moody
  • Arkatchoo – Have you heard yourself?
  • Ee diddit is sen – He did it all by himself
  • Oo worrie wi? – Who was with him?
  • Ee w’by is sen – He was alone
  • Ittim wiya Poss – Hit him with your handbag
  • Al gerrit miย sen – I will get it myself
  • Ee dint aveny – He did not have any
  • Ee tode er to gerrout on nit – He asked her to go away
  • Ya gorrote? – Do you have anything?
  • She gorraway wi it – She got away with it
  • Norratall – Not at all
  • Sheeza gud gell – She is a nice woman
  • Gizza fag – Could I have a cigarette?
  • Ya mashin? – Would you please make me a cup of tea
  • I’ll mekkit forya – I will make it for you
  • Gerraway wi ya – I don’t believe you
  • Gerrout on nit – Go away OR get off
  • Worra these? – What are these?
  • Where worree? – Where was he?
  • Wotsupwiya? – What is the matter with you?
  • Lukatt messyamade – Look at the mess you have made
  • Arkatem – Listen to the noise they are making

Here is a typical conversation:

John:  Ay up mi duck.  Ya mashin?
Tracey:  Why don’t yer mekkit ya sen?
John:  Arkatchoo!  Aya gorra cob on?
Tracey: No.  Av just give up fags, that’s all.
John:  Right.  We’ll if y’ain’t mashin, I’ll mekkit mi sen.
Tracey:  Ta.  I need fags, mate.  Aya gorreny onya?
John:  I ain’t gorreny on mi.
Tracey:  Gerrawyay wiv ya.  Gizza luk.
John:  Gerrout onnit.
Tracey:  I saw ya wi aah Peggy. Dint she av any onner?
John:  Sheeza gud gell, but she dint av none onner.  Just ga dahn shop and gerrem ya sen.

Here is the translation in the Queen’s English:

John: Hello. Would you make me a cup of tea?
Tracey: Is there a reason you can’t make one for yourself?
John: Just listen to you! Are you in a bad mood?
Tracey: No. I have recently given up smoking.
John: Okay. Well if you’re going to make me a cup of tea, I shall make one myself.
Tracey: Thank you. I still crave for cigarettes, friend. I don’t suppose you have any with you do you?
John: I’m afraid I do not have any with me at this present time.
Tracey: I don’t believe you. Please could I check for myself?
John: Please leave me alone.
Tracey: Earlier I saw you with Peggy. I don’t suppose you know if she had any cigarettes with her, do you?
John: She is a lovely person, but alas, she did not have any with her. Why don’t you go to the shop and get some for yourself?

I’ll be posting the big stories of the day from the Dispatch, and bear in mind, it could be anything. Literally anything.

Spennyriver | Nottingham | Humour

3 thoughts on “Spennyriver Dispatch – Inaugural Edition 18/9/20

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