Strange week, this one. I got made redundant from my job on Wednesday, but joined a new charity on Friday, doing the same kind of work, supporting disabled people with advice and information, so that’s all good then! the only downside I can see at the moment, is that my work PC now has Windows 10. I’m not sure about it yet, but I suppose it is early days!
Anyway, onto today’s episode in the continuing saga of The Book. Last time, DR MONTE HILTON was in his own therapy session, talking about his client who had first introduced him to the book. The doc is becoming more distant and vague with his answers to questions.
“Please sit down, Jeff.” Monte spoke calmly, but Jeff’s pacing was becoming frantic. The small office offered no room for such pacing, so Jeff circled the seated Monte.
“Can’t.” Jeff said. “It helps me concentrate.”
“What are you concentrating on, Jeff?”
“What do you think?” Jeff spat.
“The book, I assume.” Monte let his patient circle him twice more before he spoke again. “Do you have it with you now?”
Jeff stopped pacing and turned to look at Monte. “Perhaps. Why do you ask? Do you want it?”
“Well, yes. I think I would like it.” Monte held out a hand.
Jeff looked about to produce the book, but then resumed circling to room. “I can’t trust anyone else with this, this…burden.”
“What burden, Jeff? Help me understand.” Monte’s calm voice was beginning to irritate Jeff.
“Whatever it is that’s inside, wants to get out, right?” Jeff spoke like he was stating an already acknowledged fact. He continued before Monte could answer. “But what’s in there can’t be allowed out. It wants to get out, but it can’t, yes?”
“Why can’t it get it out? Do you even know what Itis?”
“Of course I know. It knows me, so I know it. I think that’s how it works.” He completed another circuit of the room before continuing. “That’s how it works for me.”
“How does it know you Jeff?” Monte continued to speak calmly, evenly.
“Because I read it! Haven’t you been paying attention?” Jeff’s voice was raised. “The book wanted me to read it, so I read it!” Then more quietly, “Well, enough to know that I didn’t want to read any more.”
“And what? It can see you?” Monte scratched his head, trying hard not to show his opinion of what his client was telling him.
Jeff came and sat down and ran his hands trough his hair. “Not with eyes, doc,” he said, shaking his head. “It can see into me. That’s the best way I can describe it. It sees throughme, feels through me. It’s seen where I live and wants it for itself. Not my house,” he blurted out before Monte had a chance to question further. “The universe. Everything.” He swept his arm around the room. “Everything that we know. Earth, Mars, the solar system, the universe. All of it.” he finished with a sob. “But I won’t let them have it.”
“’Them?’“ said Monte. “There are others?”
“Yes, there are others! A whole universe of them, clamouring to come out, to come here. But I won’t let them. If I can’t destroy them, I’ll just have to make sure no one else sees the book, someone that might want to read it all. And that would be that.” He clapped his hands together to emphasise his point.
“Why don’t you let me read the book, Jeff? Then you’ll see that this is what we call psychosis. Hallucinations. It’s not real, Jeff. The voices, these, these things, they’re not real. Let me have the book.” He held out a hand again.
Jeff clutched his jacket pocket. “I see what’s happening. Don’t you think I can’t see what’s happening? You probably don’t even realise it yourself.” He stood up and backed away from Monte. “The book knows I won’t read it. It thinks youmight.”
“I willread it, if you leave it with me.” Monte left his outstretched arm where it was, but Jeff showed no inclination to approach.
“No. I’d love to get this weight from around my neck.” He patted his jacket pocket. “But I don’t know you well enough. You seem like a smart man, doc, but I don’t think intelligence is going to help you. Or me, or us. Sorry, doc, but it’s mine to bear. I just wish it wasn’t so bloody loud.” Jeff walked over to the door and pulled it open, before turning back to Monte. “I don’t think you’ll see me again, doc. I don’t think you can help me.” He left the room, leaving the door open.
Monte watched from the office window as Jeff crossed the courtyard below and disappeared from view.
More next week…