Last week, I told you the first of my recurring dreams following my diagnosis. Today it’s the second and third dreams. This will be my final post in this series; I feel like I’ve said enough on this topic, plus I want to move onto other things! So, dreams two and three:
The first dream was always the same. Dream number two I am not quite as clear on. It usually presents itself in one of several guises, but they all boil down to the same thing: wherever I am in the dream, I am given a vial, a test tube, a cup, or some other container of liquid, and told to drink it, with the promise that it is a miracle cure for MS. The liquid is sometimes clear, sometimes green, usually bubbling, like something out of a 1920’s horror film.
I’m not sure where I am in this dream, but like the chair before, I don’t think it’s important.
Like the bullet, I must drink the liquid, knowing, as before, that the liquid would either be the cure, or it would be poison that would finish me off in a flash, don’t even bother waking up.
Don’t think I ever drank that one, either. Not sure how I know, but I am certain that I never drank it, because I never died, nor was I cured.
Dream three is my favourite, if that is the right word. This is the one that comes back the most, and still comes back from time to time now. This one is different from the others, in the sense that it does not involve any chance or luck, kill or cure.
In this dream, I am faced with some supreme being. Can’t really describe him (or her), sorry, but he (she) is enormous, and makes me look and feel tiny. Standing in front of this being, my task is clear: I have to make a bargain. It involves giving up something of importance in exchange for a cure for the MS.
Would I give up my Xbox for the cure? Hell yes.
Would I give up my car? In a heartbeat.
Would I give up my TV? No prob- wait. TV? Well, ok.
The things offered are usually different up to this point, and always things that I can live without.
Then the deals ramp up (wheelchair humour).
Would I give up one of my fingers? Which one would you like?
Would you give up a leg? I’m already hopping.
Would you give up both legs? Definitely.
Both legs? Really? There may be some of you that know me that would say that running was something I did reasonably well. So why your legs? Why not wait to see what comes next? Well, that’s easy. With only artificial legs, I would have been a generally healthy person. My walking is not the only thing that MS has taken away. It has taken away my ability to work hard, physically. It has taken away my ability to work in the gym until I sweat, to do physically demanding tasks of any type. And that was important to me. Still is. Without MS and without legs, I would have been training, and trying to get myself on the GB Paralympics team.
Would you give up your children? No. Sorry.
Would you give up your wife? No.
Would you give up your life? Why on earth would I do that?
Would you go back in time to before you had children, and spend the rest of your life without children? Holy cow!
And that is a sample of the many bargains I would have to make. And I made them, and am still making them today. My last bargain was both my legs again, but with no cure
But what that does tell me is that there are things that are more powerful than my MS, things I would not swap for anything.
Ok. I feel like I’ve said what I needed to. I shall dwell on this no more. I hope it’s been of interest.