Teacher found guilty of bringing Twiglets into school

Brian Clough School signDisgraced Spennyriver teacher, Jo Lemming, today denied having a marmite-snack problem, after she was found guilty of bringing Twiglets into the Brian Clough Primary School.

Her disgrace came to light when she was asked to referee a school hockey match, but was late out onto the field. When the head teacher went to look for her, she was found in the boy’s changing rooms with three of the year six boys. Head teacher, Simon Thrashboy, had this to say:

“I found Mrs Lemming in the changing room with the boys. She had a twiglet hanging from the corner of her mouth and was actively offering more Twiglets to the boys. Two of the boys looked to be in a state of distress, but the third was sniffing the packet and appeared to be showing a great deal of interest. I dread to think what might have happened had I not arrived at that point.

“I am ashamed to think that we had a twiglophile teaching our children for all these years. At no point in Mrs Lemming’s time with us here, did I have any cause to doubt her ability or her character, other than that time she came to school with that hat made of Twix wrappers. In hindsight, alarm bells should have been ringing at that point.”

Following the decision of the magistrate, Mrs Lemming will be banned from teaching until the next full moon.

Local parent, Janice Poxey, said “I can’t believe she *goraway wi it for so long. My little Mercedes could have been eating Twiglets all this time, and I’d never have known. Except for the Marmite smell, I suppose.”

We’ll hear from Mrs Lemming later.

* Got away with it

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